Lockdown, Take 2

Chatty, pen

Here we go again, another lockdown.

It’s the right thing to do, I don’t doubt that and I think it’s important to keep in mind why we’re doing it. But I feel so exhausted with the emotional whiplash of it all.

I’m so lucky and I don’t take that for granted, but I feel like this it must be so awful for people who aren’t able to see family or have green space nearby or who aren’t able to work from home.

This month, I’ll be spending my birthday in lockdown. We had to cancel plans but it’ll be ok. I think instead I’ll put Christmas decorations up earlier, eat pizza and have a Pitch Perfect marathon.

Mostly I just feel impatient. I have a real thing about never wanting to wish time away, but here I am, wishing things were sorted with my work, with our house, with this lockdown, with this pandemic, and ultimately wishing the time away for it to be over. Then there’s the guilt that comes from feeling ungrateful and unappreciative.

I don’t want to think like that though, or to let myself get into self-destructive loops. There are so many great things to come, and the lockdown doesn’t take away from how fortunate I am. So I guess we’ll all just keep going and showing thanks when we can.

Stay safe.

4 thoughts on “Lockdown, Take 2

  1. I’d say, like me, you must be lacking good company. When you’re with someone who makes even the most dull, boring chunks of time something to appreciate, you don’t make such wishes. But, if you’re mostly alone or at odds with those around you, you DO get impatient, lose focus and memory easier and generally become flooded with internal distress, which ultimately drains all the good vibes out of us.

    Scorpio or Sagittarius birthday?

    You like Pitch Perfect that much, huh? 🙂 I’m game for a few members of the cast…but the stories put me to sleep.

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    1. I’m sorry, I totally missed this comment!

      Yep you called it, Scorpio birthday.

      I would say that Pitch Perfect is a guilty pleasure, but let’s be honest, I have no shame about it. I think it’s pure escapism and joy.

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      1. You may have missed my other comment, as well, then. 😛 [Psst. It’s on the About Me page, I think.] I asked about your magical hair-color/appearance change.

        Your guilty pleasure is also my sister’s…and her hubby. I never was big on musical theater. As a kid, I saw a take on Oklahoma, the musical. It did nothing for me. Annie was one of the first movies I ever saw in the theater. The musical numbers did not excite me, at all. But, the brown-haired assistant to the “Daddy” character…and the hero in the turban…those characters caught my attention.

        If I had to say something was a guilty pleasure, I’d probably refrain from discussing it publicly. 😛 But, cartoons, sometimes juvenile, sometimes “adult,” are something I’d more likely binge or obsess over than musical theater or the seemingly endless talent competitions going on, lately, which might have attracted a younger me to try out…but do nothing but irritate the older, cynical me. Give me a decent, sensible and slightly comical cartoon series or movie, and I am quite likely swept away by my imagination. [I think I once wrote about feeling guilty for being attracted to female cartoon characters.]

        Sagittarius birthday (me).

        I get what you are trying to do with this blog, as many are doing the same. But, for me, it doesn’t motivate me enough. I feel guilty for not drawing anything particularly good in a long time…more than a few years. But, I tell myself that my talents come out when they will be put to good use, not wasted on doodles and sketches others won’t likely respect or understand. I have encountered people in many places, throughout my lifetime, who tell me I am drawing/creating in the wrong place at the wrong time. At the same time, I find people who see my work, tell me I am talented and ask why I’m not getting rich from my talents. It’s a vexing traffic jam of thought. So, to quiet the traffic, I think, I’ve cut back on creating until I know it will not be destroyed/trashed and will serve a purpose.

        Stay in touch.

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